The Best Laid Plans . . . Maybe

No matter how well I plan, nothing goes the way it should these days. Do you know that feeling?

I wish I could say this was a temporary situation, but I’m looking at over a year of constant barriers and interruptions to my workday. The sad thing is most of them are not due to my mistakes.

I should have time to get stuff done, but other people and organizations continue to construct roadblocks.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34

I’ve focused this blog on grandparenting over the last few years since two of my grandchildren live with us. Children who end up in foster care or the care of a relative often bring more than baggage with them. In our case, we have several diagnoses: ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Autism.

I’ve hit most of these in stride, but a lot of setbacks come from the government and pharmaceutical issues. ADHD meds are controlled substances. In our state, you HAVE to visit the prescribing doctor every 3 months. Since they have different doctors due to their specific needs, that’s eight times a year I have to fit one of these appointments into my schedule.

After the appointment, the doctor submits 3 separate prescriptions for the same medication to the pharmacy. These can NOT be listed as refills. Each one has a “do not fill before” date on it. Not satisfied with that restriction, insurance will not let them fill the prescription until 30 days after you picked up the last prescription. Since the scripts are not refills, you have to call the pharmacy and speak to the pharmacist in order to fill it. Call a day too early, and the pharmacy tells you to call back the next day. That’s enough of a pain, right?

But oh no, I’m not done.

My granddaughter’s prescription is often on back order. Why? Because in December it became available in generic form. Great, right? Nope. No one can get the generic form. It’s back ordered, too. Since there’s a generic available, the drug company no longer offers a discount coupon. For the same reason, insurance doesn’t want to pay for the brand. It’s not cheap.

If they’re out of stock, I can call other pharmacies to see if they have either form, but these prescriptions can NOT be transferred to another store, even in the same company. If I find it, I have to call the doctor who has to cancel the existing prescription with the current pharmacy and submit a new prescription to the new pharmacy.

My grandson’s prescription is not available in generic and it’s not on our insurance formularies. He is intolerant to the less expensive alternatives, and it took us forever to find this one. We can’t switch. For the last 3 years, once a year, his secondary insurance required a physician’s authorization. With authorization, they cover the prescription. In November, I proactively asked the doctor to do the authorization. The insurance company said they didn’t need it. This month, they do. He qualifies based on their criteria, but they’re refusing to accept the authorization. It’s not cheap if they don’t. After multiple attempts to get it approved, I gave up the other day and paid the higher price. That hurt.

These aren’t one call and done situations. They take a LOT of time to navigate when everything works. When something does go wrong, they take days. Time I need to use elsewhere.

My husband and I are nearing retirement age. We can’t afford to have our costs go up because the kids’ insurance wants to give us a hard time. I can’t afford the extra time from my work that I devote to these problems.

I wish I could say these are the only issues setting me back, but I could go on and on. I’m continually having to spend time on a problem not of my own making rather than do the work I’d planned to do that day. It’s getting ridiculous.

In the verse from Matthew listed above, it says not to be anxious. This is hard. I have a To Do list. Up until last year, I had minor setbacks but nothing major setting me back. Now? I’m lucky if I cross one thing off my list each day. In fact, I almost didn’t take the time to write this post because of the time factor. I decided to anyway because I’m fairly sure I’m not the only frustrated parent, grandparent, or caregiver out there.

I do trust God to take care of things, but it’s hard when this world requires so much from me. I’m not a worrier, thank goodness, but I am a planner. I’ve seen my grands without these prescriptions. They don’t do well.

I guess I’m like the father in the Mark who tells Jesus, “Lord I believe. Help my unbelief.”

Summer’s End and Prodigals

 School started this week.

I’m on the fence about it. I need my time to work, and it’s easier without the grands around, but I, also, dread trying to stay on top of all the demands from school. Things were a lot easier when my kids were little. We’re eight years into raising grandchildren, so one would hope I’d be acclimated by now.

In ways, I am. In other ways, I’m not.

Last year. school was a disaster for my grandson. By constantly trying to stay on top of his daily classes, he came out with fantastic grades, but his transition to middle school really hurt. Really. Hurt. I have never been or wanted to be a helicopter parent. Last year, it felt like I had to be.

He and his sister are neurodiverse. That’s a nice way to say we have an alphabet soup of diagnoses that are common in children of addicts.

• Anxiety
• OCD
• ADHD-C
• Autism

My grandson is all of the above. His sister only experiences Anxiety and ADHD-C. Only. LOL. Her ADHD presents differently than his, so she’s found ways to focus. We’re still trying to find that balance with him.

The hard part is waiting to see where my grandson’s needs fall this year. Last year, for the first time in raising all of our children, I found myself at odds with teachers. He’s smart. Super smart, so they weren’t concerned when his grades didn’t reflect what we knew he could do. They didn’t worry about delayed assignments until, of course, they appeared on the gradebook. I have the parent website flagged to alert me to not handed in assignments or grades below a certain level, but, often, the grades didn’t appear until way too late to do anything. The assignments were weeks if not over a month old. Try getting a kid who is already stressed from a day at school to catch up on a boatload of assignments. Oh, and add to the fun that often he didn’t know what the assignment was or didn’t have the proper materials at home to do them.

So, we’re on day three of school. I have laryngitis because of the disaster that was the last few weeks of our summer–no AC for a week meaning allergies took a heavy hit, flat tires, and paint dust from a painter painting our house. In other words, I can’t really talk with his teachers. I did a lot of prep work at the end of last school year with the principal and assistant principal. They listened. We’ll see where it takes us. He appears to have great teachers, so I pray that this year will be less stressful.

On other points, I know I haven’t posted here in a long time. Beyond the struggles with his school last year, there’s been a lot to deal with. We lost my father-in-law over the summer after a long illness. It’s hard to believe he’s gone, and it really hasn’t hit home with me yet.

Then there’s our daughter, the grand’s mom. Between the chaos of the last school year and so many uncertainties about her, I chose not to post updates. There’s a fine line of privacy and confidentiality that I try to navigate each time I do.

I won’t rehash everything, but here’s where things stand.

She’s in jail again. She’s alive. That says a lot.

On December 30, I felt a sudden separation. Parents often have a connection to their children. You don’t notice it until it disappears. When it disappeared that day, I felt a void. A hole.

I struggled with the absence, convinced she had died. We had not heard from our daughter for six months. She’d missed our grandson’s birthday, the start of school, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It wasn’t like her to miss ALL of these. In the eight years we’ve had the grands, she’s missed contacting us for one or two of these events, but never all of them. Even my granddaughter admitted to me one night that she feared her mother was dead in a ditch somewhere.

Time went on and she missed her daughter’s birthday, too.

Nine months without a word, and then she surfaced. Of course, she was in jail. Since then, she’s gotten out only to get arrested again. She’s begging me to bring the kids to see her, but I don’t want to do it. Heartless? Maybe. But I don’t know if it’s the smart thing to do.

When I thought she was dead, I prayed that if she was alive, God would show me how to help her get straight. I vowed I would do what it takes to help her. Then the reality of her situation came back to the forefront. Before they released her, I encouraged her to do the right thing.

She made promises. Unfortunately, her promises mean nothing to me or her kids. We learned that a long time ago. She didn’t go to the halfway house where she’d have a bed, food, and job. She disappeared. When she resurfaced, she told me a crazy story that didn’t add up. Then she got arrested again.

I can’t help her. She has to try to help herself first.

I’ve come to realize that my daughter is not a prodigal. Prodigals accept, admit, and own their mistakes. They don’t expect grand gestures or money. They’re humble. She is not any of this.

I can’t help her. Only God can.

I’ll end with this one point that I shared with my ladies Bible class a few weeks ago:

Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m not mourning, hurting, or worrying about this every day. Life’s too short. I laugh and try to find joy each day. I am overwhelmed at times and need a break, but I don’t need pity.

Image courtesy of freeimages.com by @asifthebest

Messy Lives=Abundant Harvests?

During church this past Sunday, this verse hit me. Not for the reason you might expect, though.

Our lives have been very messy. Not the messy most people deal with. I mean MESSY! The last month has been a rollercoaster of overwhelming circumstances–most of it not good. But do you see what this proverb shows us? Keeping things clean and neat and quiet does NOT lead to abundance. No! The manger, if used, is a smelly place that constantly needs attention to keep it from getting out of hand. But if you leave it empty, you have no oxen. If you have no oxen, you have no one to pull the plow. If the plow can’t work in the fields, you have no harvest.

I’m not saying I’m going to jump for joy at the mess of our lives, but at least I can step back and say this mess can lead to something good.